Is it really possible to sustain an affectionate, passionate, respectful, fun, successful marriage that will not only stand the test of time, but thrive through it? Obviously we all think so when we walk down the aisle. But it is well known that over 50 % of marriages in this country end on divorce. What goes wrong? While certain marriages need to end due to serious problems such a violence, addiction and controlling behaviors, the vast majority of marriages end for reasons much less dramatic. They basically just “wither away”.
Below are the top factors that contribute to couples simply “drifting apart”. Many divorces could be avoided if couples just worked on these areas.
1. Couples stop making each other a priority.
It really is as simple as that. Stressful jobs, taking care of young children and aging parents, the million details involved in running a household… all of these things take our time and attention away from our partners. Unless we make a special point of making time for just each other, scheduling “couple time” on the calendar, it is easy for literally months and years to slip away without us making our partners feel a treasured priority. Let me define “couple time” (gentleman, it is not simply scheduling get-marriage physical intimacy on the calendar). “Couple time” is taking time, preferably away from the home and it’s multitude of responsibilities, to connect with your partner through conversation, having fun, going on a date, or doing anything that reminds you both that you are indeed still a romantically involved couple, not just housemates or co-parents.
2. Couples neglect basic marriage maintenance.
When you are thirty or forty, you are simply not the same people that you were when you were in your twenties, which when most couples marry (for the first time). Have you grown together, or have you grown apart? Successful couples take time every year or two to realign their goals and commitments with regards to their marriage and continued life together. Are things going as they hope, what can they do to improve the strength of their connection? These are questions that should be asked and answered on a regular basis.
3. Couples engage in destructive behaviors.
Certainly in instances of abusive relationships or where there are issues of addictions not all marriages can or should be saved. However, in the vast majority of cases, destructive behaviors that kill marriages are far less dramatic. Excessive TV viewing, excessive time away from the home pursuing your hobbies (golf, fishing, hunting, scrap booking weekends), being overly involved in anything and everything to do with your children…these are all behaviors that take you away from your relationship with your partner. If any of these have become acceptable excuses for you to avoid intimacy and connection with your partner, then these behaviors certainly are destructive. Couples can literally go years being focused on their overly scheduled children (“quick, we have soccer practice, we need to get to dance, I’m volunteering at the school!”) only to find, when their children suddenly get more independent, they literally have no idea what they have in common any more with each other.
4. Couples wait until it’s too late to get professional advice.
Most couples wait until they are on the brink of divorce before they seek help. In many cases it’s simply too late. Much of traditional marriage counseling focuses on communication techniques. What this means for many couples is that they now have more effective ways of communicating their frustrations, boredom and disappointments. Seeking professional advice earlier on or being involved in regular “marriage maintenance” is a much more successful approach.
Enough of the doom and gloom! There is good news! There are many things that you can start doing today that can help improve the quality of your relationship. Traditionally marriage counseling has been expensive and has required the participation of both partners. What if you want to invest in your marriage and your partner is reluctant? Today this is no longer a problem. The internet provides many affordable, instantly available resources to help you save your struggling marriage, improve your stagnating marriage or simply help your maintain your general health and strength of your partnership. These resources are affordable, confidential and all quality products come with guarantees.
To learn more about the best products currently available and to see if any are right for you, visit www.YourBestMarriage.com May your marriage be long and successful. Do something to make your partner feel treasured and appreciated today!
Grace Stevens is a wellness advocate promoting products that support your mind, body and spirit. She believes that everyone deserves fulfilling relationships and that any time spent on improving your relationship with your partner is time well spent. For more articles on saving or improving your your marriage and reviews of the top relationship coaching resources available on the web visit her site http://YourBestMarriage.com/ today.
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